I Give Up Feeling Unworthy

21st Day of Lenten Devotional SeriesGuest Post by Cameran Smith, Real Life Church

1 John 3:1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Luke 12:6-7 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

It wasn’t until I reached my mid-twenties that I realized (or finally chose to realize) I had suffered from abuse. While I never wore a badge of bruises or carried a broken bone encased in a heavy cast, I suffered from internal lacerations caused by verbal and emotional attacks, most of which occurred at school. Those invisible wounds infected my thoughts, and I spent the better part of my teenage years hating myself. I truly believed I was worthless, unattractive, and alone; any failure or mistake I experienced only heightened the self-loathing. It didn’t take much for me to succumb to the darkness of depression; it was the only thing I could relate to, and it was strangely comforting. In fact, it was so comforting that I have a hard time avoiding it, even now.

I share that to say: Don’t have pity on me. Instead, please, understand that bullying has a sneaky and manipulative way of burdening its victims with false assumptions and inaccurate labels, and depression is an unholy ghost that makes the burden heavier. Fighting to disprove the assumptions and labels, while stumbling through the fog of depression, is incredibly exhausting. It makes living way too hard.

However, I have come to realize that it is not bullying or abuse or failure or even depression that makes us feel unworthy. Those things tell us lies about ourselves, and when we don’t know the Truth, haven’t heard the Truth, or have rejected the Truth, we begin to accept those lies as truth. The more we are deceived into believing the lies, the more unworthy we see ourselves.

Therefore, everyday should be a process of eliminating and replacing: eliminate a lie and replace it with Truth. When we feel unloved or rejected? Then, we tell ourselves that we are children of God--chosen and adopted by Him. When we feel overlooked? Then, we tell ourselves that God has not forgotten us. When we feel unworthy? Then we tell ourselves that we are worth more than anything else God created. Even when it’s difficult, even when we don’t fully believe it, we must always tell ourselves the Truth because it will eventually out-scream every lie we will ever hear.

Abba, thank You for making us worthy enough to be adopted by You. We are humbled, yet proud to be called children of God. My prayer is that we will never forget what You have done and what You continue to do for us. So please, never tire in reminding us of who we are to You, as we are so apt to forget from day to day. Amen